Time Line

 

 

Time line

As everyone, I have this collection of (let’s call them so) ‘Grand Moments in my life’. I consider my life to be quite short yet, but still I can recall nine of this great ocassions. For me living is like swiming in this deep sea full of other souls, things I cannot explain, experiences in the neutral sense of the word… If I am not lost in the affairs then I am lost in my own dreams. I don’t usually recollect the past and when I do there are just flashes (often attached to emotions) that hit me like lightning. But sometimes it is good to take a rest and reflect about things using, for instance, a logical time line. What are your own Grand Moments? Those which will be recorded for sure in the Book of Your Life? Do you have many of them, is your life full of unbelievable casualities and surprising events? Or do you have just few but really meaninful ones? 

The first glorious event was when I won my school’s literary contest at the age of eight. At that moment I cried, and that is very significant. As a child, I think it was the first time I poured tears in a moment not of pain but complete hapiness. Because of that, I felt really surprised. My little story consisted in eight or nine pages with drawings and some lines. The plot was about a little naughty leopard. I must confess now the story was not mine: I read about this tiny but restless creature in a book written by the owner of a real zoo in Spain. However, in my story the leopard lived his adventures in the African savannah, which was far more exciting. Besides, I think I was the only girl which participated in my cathegory (or at least there were just a few of us). So now, looking back, it is not like I was some kind of precocious writing genious but just… lucky? Although it is still one of my loveliest memories. And I think I will keep it like that for the future.

The second great event happened the year after. My friends at the same school, three girls that I had met for quite a long time, came to me one afternoon and told me “We don’t want to be friends with you anymore”. I felt devastated. I came home crying like if someone had cut my teeth off. I was in such a pain that my mother tried to confort me by saying: “Don’t worry, honey, real friends you will meet them at uni”. But uni just seemed far as planet Mars. During the rest of the year or so I played alone in the school yard. Now, I see that this event made me develope (more) my reading habit. Although I suppose it also damaged my self-esteem in a deep way. From that moment I began to be a perfeccionist girl at school: the one with the best behaviour and the best grades.  It may also have turned me into an untrusting and sometimes possesive person. I hope this memory just loses all its negative feelings in the future and becomes just a piece of my life I can think abou it from a distant perspective, like someone can look at other person’s picture.

The third one is also sad but hey, we are coming right into adolescence, so I guess it is to be expected. I fell in love for the first time. At first it was quite pleasant because at last I was experiencing that obscure sensation which I had read about for so long. Nevertheless, when I realised I was not going to be loved back, happiness turned into grief. Because that wonderful thing that is called “love” I finally lost track of this merry, lively child I used to be. As many teenagers, I started also to hate my appearance and in general everything about myself. I just dressed in black. Now I can see I was overreacting. These days I use my first love as a funny annecdote to amuse friends, specially because this guy I was in love for turned to be gay years after that. So I confess it is a relief knowing that I had never had a chance in the first place… In the future, when all my friends know the story, I might go for larger audiences and put it in a book.

Fourth distinguished event: I publish my first book. I was only fourteen at that time, but I think it was then when I realized in a self-concious way that I wanted to be a writer. I also took in the difficulty of having a writing habit. Now, although this feeling of being doing exactly the right thing at the right moment keeps invading me when I’m writing, I still find lots of obstacles when I have to force myself to do it. Currently I believe that muses are not attractive ladies one can chase (as Burns said) but elusive humminbirds I have to catch in the jungle with the sole help of a tiny tea spoon. In the future, I truly hope to have find a better way to keep my humminbirds close.

My fifth glorious event was actually bittersweet. I was sixteen and loved back for the first time, and that felt amazing. Nevertheless, my partner was not a boy, as I had expected… but a girl. This made me feel very confused and sometimes wrong. As a teenager, I suffered from each of my peculiarities. Now I can see that was normal and I am not afraid of considering myself an open-minded person who is able to love not caring about the other one’s sexual condition. And I want to keep this for the future.

My sixth exciting event is my first travell on my own. I was away from home for a whole month. The first four days were scary but from then it was deep ectasy. I understood how someone cannot just feel other people but also places. I took so many inspiration from that trip that I still use it as a writer. In the future, I think I will still recall this image of myself wondering around the wet but extremely beautiful paths of Ireland as one of my brightest memories.

My seventh terrific event is painful in a new way. I suffered an illness from the phsyche, panic attacks. I think this is quite a serious condition, considering it limited the way I was used to live. I couldn’t do ordinary things as taking trains. Now, I see that what  realy helped me to overcome this was neither pills nor doctors but the fact that I lived on my own in a foreign country the next year… What can I say? Travelling has endeless benefits.

My eighth great event is precissely my Erasmus year. Those seven letters contain a bunch of experiencies and people, and that definitely made me grew up as an adult. I will recommend Erasmus for every student in the world because it was the best thing I obtained from my university education. The real knowledge, I may call it. So you, university students, please, close your books, your laptops, switch off your tablets and mobile phones. Stop going to the same places with the same people and go on an Erasmus!

And my ninth exalted event was obviously my first job. Well, it was actually an internship in my third year at uni. I worked as a journalist in the most famous radio station in Spain. I liked it very much and wow, it was such a reliefe working instead of studying! Although I definitely loved working as a journalist, writing radio-scripts, making interviews and so, I realised this was a very absorbing job. I worked fourteen hours per day. By the time I reached home I was just able of eating something light for dinner, watching some series at my laptop (Homeland and Breaking Bad) and then fall sleep. I couldn’t play piano, draw, do exercise or meet with other people during the week. And I couldn’t write, of course. Now I see, that was the moment I decided I did want to do an artistic job. Art absorbs me too but it gives me life in return. Whenever I cannot express myself artistically for a long time this crust begings to form around me. Traped inside it I am my worsest version, an ugly, wicked and narcissist self full of failed dreams and expectations. When I feel like that, I had the urgency of devouring: food, people, places, experiences, material objects and in general everything but what I really need. Art.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjprWxdr6q0&feature=kp

 

 

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