10 years

home-at-the-end-of-the-world-11

 

Finishing a degree doesn’t feel as something espectacular nowadays. My highschool was located in one of the most insipid suburbs of Madrid. However, in my class there were just few people who didn’t go to university. I think this is because the educational system has been transformed into this boring, predictable path in which you are guided step by step. There is always someone watching you don’t cross it to get lost in the jungle of imagination and free-thinking. So, as I was saying, when you finsih university you don’t listen to angels and cherubs playing harps and singing in great delight for your triumphs. Instead, you hear this hoarse, wicked voice saying: “Well, yeah, and now what?”. And then someone comes and asks you “What do you want to do for a living?” or worse “How do you see yourself after ten years”? 

I will have changed in ten years (if I reach that point in my life, obviously). Precisely today a classmate from university told me she doesn’t see any special change in me from the time we met. (That was four years ago). I didn’t like her statement, at least internally. I want to change physically in these ten years. When you’re an infant you don’t feel any diference between soul and body. One begins when the other ends, everything is that easy, Then adolescence comes and you’re painfully aware of this disappoinment that adults call “body”. Everything bad that happens to you is because of your body. Because it’s never too… wathever. Or maybe because it’s too… wathever. Body plays tricks on us and then we punish it with a sort of wikedness the medieval tortures had envied. So from now on, I expect to recover this feeling I had in infancy of my body being this treasure which gave me so much pleasure. Self-awareness and calm. I don’t need beauty if I can have those I’ve mentioned before.

Internally there is so much work to do. I would like to be more disciplined in the future, specially with the things I really care for. Like writing. I hope I will develope a true habit of writing everyday, no matter the language or the topic. I also expect to get rid of all this anger and pain I feel nowadays. I want to turn those feelings into something beautiful. A piece of art, something I can enjoy creating and people when they observe it. Because after all, it’s just energy. I didn’t study Science at college but I know energy can turn into everything we can imagine. And that’s wonderful, that’s the meaning of strenght and infiniteness.

I see myself working, of course, because I also see myself as a indepent woman by the time I will be thirty-one. I can imagine I’m a writer. Not a very famous one, but a cult writer. I write for magazines or newspapers because by this time I had become prolific artist. (This has to do with my previous ability of having developed a writing habit). I also see myself living in a different country than my own. Probably Japan, Canada, Ireland. Those are three places I would like to be attached to at some moment of my life.

Personal relationships. Ouch. This is a difficult moment for me but I’d try. I see myself sorrounded by people that inspires me. That’s it. I may have a partner as well. Or two. I think the relationship of two men and a woman which was portrayed in the film A home at the end of the world was really interesting. I also would like to be mature enough to be thinking about having children. This is something I’d love to do one day, although I’m far for prepared currently.

And then hobbies. This is not a problem for me, I have lots of them and I think it’s the only thing I won’t change in the future. I like reading, Japanese, drawing, culture, travelling, running, nature… and those are things that are going to keep me occupied another ten years. If days were longer, I would like to learn Gaelic though…

 

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